By Annabelle Ward and Alessia Italici-Ricbour (Y8)
Ever find yourself fighting for your life in the depths of the Alp halls, just trying to make it to French without getting late? Well, I think most of us have. Welcome to the great hallway migration. To the untrained eye, it looks like 400 students trying to reach humanities. To the survivors, it is a high-stakes battle for territory. The Year 7s travel in confused herds with an upside-down schedule, the Year 11s move like apex predators toward the snack bar, and somewhere in the middle, a group of friends standing just there talking about the next season of their favorite show. Fasten your backpack straps, it’s about to get wild.
Welcome to the hallway guide. Some tips and tricks on how to make it to class without being trampled on.
Tip No.1: The Wall Walk
The first step is to try to find the nearest wall. I know it’s a challenge in itself; however, this tip could probably save your life. Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement, but who knows?! Next, lie flat against the wall and close your eyes, just imagine a bunny hopping around in a meadow, NOT in the middle of a stampede getting squished and squashed. Now just keep shimmying until you make it outside, now, RUN!
Tip No.2: The Snowplow
For this trick, you will need a year 13 and a hoodie. Find the tallest year 13 you can find and start walking behind them. Then squint your eyes and cover your nose and mouth with the hoodie. This will protect you from the foul smells coming from the lockers. But for this trick, you have to be careful (Some people will accuse you of following them and think you’re a bit of a creep, so do it at your own risk!)
Tip No.3: The turtle tuck
Now, for this one, you need to get some inspiration from a minion. Just squat down and walk. Try to slip through the gaps over the towering people. Although this one is…different, it comes with some hazards. You know that bunny we were talking about earlier? Well, you could be that bunny. You’re basically just playing an intense game of wack-a-mole, but instead of a mole, it’s you.
Tip No.4: The Elbowing Technique
This is actually MY favourite. All you will need is… you! Yep. That’s easy. First, get into a crowded space like the Léman entrance (only if you want, but if you happen to be in one, that’s okay too). Then stick out your elbows…a little like a chicken, and if anyone comes within a 1 metre radius, you elbow them. Try to do it not too hard, but if you want that cookie, then SHOVE THOSE KIDS OUT OF YOUR WAY. You’re welcome!
Tip No.5: A Venti-Sized Force Field
Personally, this is one of the best. The only thing you need is a mug or a cup of some sort. Before school or during break or lunch, take that cup and fill it up with some water, and while you’re passing through the halls scream at the top of your lungs, “HOT TEA COMING THROUGH”, people will just revolve around you and mind the “tea”. Honestly, you could do this with actual hot beverages, but beware, you could be walking out of that hallway with minor second-degree burns!
But don’t worry, we have solutions! Here are some of the no-go’s and their alternatives:
The danger zones:
Area No.1: Lausanne main hall
You know that one place right in between the cafeteria and the science department. It’s like they want us to suffer. Well, let’s imagine you’ve just had science and you need to make your way to the Alps to get to Spanish. Well on your left you hear “I HAVE SCIENCE NOW, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?! ” and on the right “I SMELL THE COOKIES FROM HERE” You can’t even make your way through without getting minor injuries.
Instead:
You know those underground halls that you only either see the theatre department or the cleaning staff in? Well, that’s actually a tunnel to the Alps. Just use a couple of our tips to get to the staircase and well, SPRINT! You should be passing endless corridors of lockers and a room that weirdly looks like a bank vault that is labelled “THEATRE DEPARTMENT STORAGE” but I’m not completely convinced that it’s a storage room.. Anyways, onto the next!
Area No.2: Alps Staircase
This one is always soooo slow. Like, just move already. Everyone is always going up and down the stairs. And when you finally have a space to overtake… NO! Someone is coming down the stairs, and you have to go back in the single-file (messy) line up the stairs. When I’m just trying to get to French, I have to wait FOREVER, and these kids just won’t move! Instead:
Either you can go EXTRA early to your classes (not recommended if you want to eat your sausage roll in peace), or you can go from the entrance near the reception. It’s normally not as crowded, but it’s a little detour. It’s better than waiting for hourssssss. But if you desperately want to use the crowded staircase (the one in front of the cafeteria), there’s no technique for stairs.
I know this image is outdated, but I couldn’t find any other.
Area No.3: Leman entrance
I hate this SO much. It might just be the worst one yet. When I’m soooo late to double maths already, I have to wait in this big freakin’ line. I mean, I want to be late to maths, but I don’t want to get a late 😔. So I just have to wait in line, go up those small stairs, and wait until my death awaits.
Instead
Go from the back. If you’re exiting Léman, instead of going right where EVERYONE goes… be the smart little cookie and go from the left (left is from the toilets on the bottom floor). It’s a little detour (again), but I did a test with my friend who waited in the line, and I went around, and I got out before her. Though it depends on how long the line is. If it’s going fast, then just go there. But otherwise go through the back door.
Area No.4: Cafeteria Entrance
I think this title may have triggered a couple of people. I think people have actual trauma from this. It’s so difficult to get through, but the heavenly smell of sausage rolls keeps you going. I mean, how do the staff expect 300 students to fit through a normal-sized pair of doors? You WILL lose your friends, and you WILL want to pass out from the lack of oxygen in that corridor.
Instead:
A few more people have discovered this one, but it’s still better than the “normal” way. For this one, you need to go through the sliding doors. Basically, around those plastic boxes we call humanities classrooms. The only little problem with this one is you will have to pull really hard to get it open, and I mean REALLY hard. Just make sure you close the door otherwise the cafeteria’s temperature will drop by 20° and the staff will run after you.
Conclusion
We really hope this helped (for little year 7s), and I hope that year 13s will be a little more careful now they know the danger we have to go through when changing classes. We hope that our techniques we provided work?? (We’ve only tested a few of them). Feel free to comment on the results when you try it down below!