27 Brown People Problems

Disclaimer: We do not mean to offend anyone by the content of this article. As “brown” people at La Chat we identify with many of these and have only included them for humorous effect. As with all stereotypes there are exceptions but we hope that some of the issues we have highlighted will ring true with many of you.

1. Why do you assume we’re all Indian?

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2. “Do you speak Indian?” “Do you speak Pakistani?” “Do you speak…?”

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3. Having desi clothes which look on fleek but never getting opportunities to wear them.

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4. Despite accounting for over a third of the world’s population, there seems to be a disproportionately small number of us at school.

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5. Never finding anything remotely resembling your name on any personalised stuff.

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6. “You’re muslim? But why don’t you wear the hijab?”

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7. You only have two career choices: an engineer or a doctor.

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8. When you get a 6 your parents don’t say “Good Job” they ask why you didn’t get a 7.

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9. When all your friends are excited to get tanned but you’re just worried about your family’s disappointment. (On the plus side, you don’t have to worry about getting “sun burnt” -that’s a white people thing.)

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10. Accidentally calling your white friends parents “aunty” or “uncle”.

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11. No one gets your name right the first time. Ever.

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12. No one gets your name right at all.

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13. Fasting during school, especially when it’s the end of the year and everyone bring in cake and croissants!

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14. You don’t find Lord of the Rings that long… because every Bollywood movie lasts the same amount of time.

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15. When no one else gets your bollywood reference.

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16. Bollywood songs stuck in your head.

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17. When people think Slumdog Millionaire is actually bollywood.

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18. When your parents walk by and you’re texting someone of the opposite sex.

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19. When your friend brings up the opposite sex in front of your parents.

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20. Meeting your mother’s second cousin’s son’s wife’s grandad, and pretending you have a clue about who they are.

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21. People thinking you’re related to every brown person in existence.

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22. Not knowing if something has meat in it or what meat is being served. Literally everything has pork in it.

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23. Never being satisfied with the school’s pathetic attempt at samosas.

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24. School lunches being bland in general.

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25. Always checking for ingredients when someone offers you food.

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26. … and the disappointment when you read the two most horrible words: pork gelatine

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27. When the vegetarian option is some weird quiche or some tasteless vegetables.

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